Quality Time
by theb3arjew
Summary: Boruto apparently hasn't inherited his father's knack for pulling pranks. Naruto won't stand for this, and he decides that a little on-the-job training would help his son carry on this all-important legacy.
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N) Just a quick little fic that I thought of this afternoon. It'll be short, stupid, and, hopefully, it'll make you chuckle a little bit. I'm only expecting 3-4 short little chapters, and I'm not gonna let this one drag out for months on end. It should be done by the end of the week**

 **Anyway, the story takes place shortly after Boruto: Naruto The Movie. If you haven't seen it, just go watch that shit already, but there really aren't any huge spoilers here. Enjoy!**

* * *

Stupid Inojin and his stupid, stupid dares.

Boruto Uzumaki couldn't help but whither under his father's glare. Normally, his dad wasn't exactly an intimidating person. The man's personality, and fathering style, perfectly matched his awkward haircut.

Naruto Uzumaki, the father, was a bumbling, lovable idiot.

Naruto Uzumaki, the Hokage, however, was an entirely different story.

And right now, in the Hokage's office, with a pair of terrifying, cerulean eyes bearing down on him, Boruto was half-convinced that he was in the midst of some kind of nightmare. He was actually kinda hoping that it was a nightmare.

Sadly, he wasn't that lucky.

"Explain yourself." Naruto, never one to take half measures, pumped a bit of chakra into his words, letting the killing intent roll forth from the simple statement.

Boruto gulped, and suddenly, he couldn't quite meet his father's eyes. He opened his mouth several times, but he couldn't figure out how to begin his explanation. After a few hesitations, he finally got his thoughts together. The blame game wouldn't be of much use in the current situation, so he really only had one option. The truth.

"Inojin Yamanaka dared me to pull a prank on Sarada. I used chakra glue to glue a log to the forehead of your Hokage monument, then I used a substitution jutsu to switch Sarada and the log. In order to escape, she tried to use her mom's strength enhancement trick, and she pretty much ripped your face off the cliff. It's my fault that she had to do that though, so please, don't blame her!"

With that, Boruto took a deep breath and wiped the sweat that had gathered atop his eyebrows.

"Son, I don't think it's possible for me to be any more disappointed in you," his father replied, practically growling.

Boruto took yet another gulp, and prepared himself for the upcoming onslaught of lecturing and yelling. He winced in anticipation.

When he looked back up, though, his father's face had changed entirely, to something resembling bewilderment.

"That prank was totally lame! I mean, you carry the blood of the greatest prankster in the history of the world in your veins! How can you be so bad at it?! Did I raise you wrong? No, it couldn't be that. I made sure to show you the…"

Boruto cut his father off.

"Wait, you're not pissed about the Hokage Monument?"

Naruto dismissed the notion with a wave of his hand.

"Nah, I must've messed with the Monument a dozen times. The sculptor still gives me dirty looks every time I see him in the street. There's a reason why he's on a yearly salary even when we only get a new Hokage every 10 years or so. I'm just angry that the prank was so blatantly terrible. You performed the prank in the direct presence of your target, it wasn't particularly funny or impressive, and you got caught instantly! It was pathetic!"

Boruto couldn't believe what he was hearing. Seeing the lack of a response, Naruto carried on.

"Pranking is like the one thing that this family has going for it. Mom was apparently great at it, in her time. I, of course, am the stuff of legends. We need to get you caught up, and fast."

At any other time, Boruto would've pointed out that their family had a ton of stuff going for it. Like multiple generations of Hokages. And absurd chakra capacities. And the Rasengan. But, in this moment, he couldn't find it within himself to speak up. Was he really going to get away with practically blowing up the Hokage Monument?

"Lucky for you, I have just the solution. SHIKAMARU! GET YOUR LAZY ASS IN HERE, DATTEBAYO!"

A few moments later, Shikamaru Nara walked through the office door, still clearing shaking off the remnants of a nap.

"Shikamaru, I need you to take over for the afternoon. I'm gonna take a family day to show Boruto a thing or two."

The lazy Nara opened his mouth to protest, but Naruto nipped it right in the bud.

"I don't want to hear it. You still owe me for sleeping through my State of the Leaf speech."

"Troublesome…"

With that, Shikamaru took the stack of paperwork from atop Naruto's desk and trudged off to his own office.

"Alright, let's get out of here, Boruto."

"Uh, what are we doing, Dad?"

"Performing your punishment. You need to prank your sensei, and I'm gonna help."

Well, shit.

* * *

"Dad, what are we doing in this dusty old closet?"

Naruto glared at his son for a split second before returning to his search.

"I'm trying to find… ah, here it is!"

Naruto turned around and held up an ancient looking notebook.

"My old idea book. I haven't seen this thing in years! Anyway, look through this for a few minutes, and see if you get any ideas. I won't accept some lame prank."

While Boruto flipped through the book, Naruto launched into a lecture about the 'Fine Art of Pranking'.

"When you prank somebody, you need to be very careful. Everybody should know that it was probably you, but they can't have access to any proof. You also need to make sure that at least half of your witnesses find the prank funny. Any less than that, and you might have a legitimate investigation on your hands. Irony is also an important tool to use…"

An hour later, Naruto was still lecturing, and Boruto still couldn't think of anything. This thing was really gonna suck, wasn't it.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N) OMG! I actually updated quickly! Yes, this chapter is absurdly short, but it still counts! Hah!**

 **The prank chapter will be much longer, but I plan on keeping the rest of the updates short and sweet. I don't know why, but I feel like the short posts fit this whole 'crack-fic' thing better. What do you guys think?**

 **Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

Boruto was stumped.

Konohamaru wasn't the smoothest person in the world, but the man was still a jounin. How could you trick the guy that showed you most of your tricks?

He continued to tune out his father's surprisingly serious lecturing as he browsed the idea book. The notes weren't organized in any logical fashion, and the language was a bit… difficult to decipher. The current page, which was some kind of summary of explosive devices, was a perfect example.

 _ **For boom, use blue box.**_

 _ **For BOOM, use yellow box.**_

 _ **For BOOOOOOOOM!, use red box. LEVEL 5 ONLY**_

So much for SI units.

Still, Boruto was mightily impressed by the journal. His dad had mentioned that the thing hadn't been touched since his genin days, yet some of the prank plans reminded him of Nara mission plans. The complexity, hidden behind basic language and doodles, was astounding.

"So, any ideas yet?"

His father's question broke Boruto from his thoughts. He shook his head.

"Not really. Sensei does practically worship you, so maybe I could use that? I don't know."

Naruto raised his eyebrow at that, then grinned.

"So he's worshipping me now? Ha, who woulda thought? That emotionless little baka worships the dobe!"

"Dad, Konohamaru isn't exactly emotionless. He might even be louder than you…"

"Konohamaru? Oh right, I guess he's also kinda your sensei. But he's not your target."

"Then who is?"

"..."

"Oh shit."

Naruto couldn't hold back a smile as his son's face went white.

Boruto was frozen in what could only be called fear. He had to prank Sasuke Uchiha. Ya know, the one with the Jesus Eyes. One of the most powerful shinobi on the planet. His crush's father.

He was so boned.

* * *

"No, Sarada, you need the Mangekyo Sharingan in order to use Tsukiyomi. What do you need it for, anyway?"

Sarada looked up at her dad with a vengeful look on her face.

"Shikamaru has me doing D ranks as punishment for the whole Hokage Monument thing. That stupid cat just broke my glasses for the last time… I will have my goddamn revenge."

Sasuke sighed.

"Tsukiyomi doesn't work on that cat. Trust me, I've tried."

Sakura suddenly came storming down the stairwell of the family's house.

"WHO SAID THE R WORD?!"

Sarada, more than slightly confused at her mom's weird behavior, slowly rose her hand.

Sakura instantly glared at Sasuke.

"Honey, I swear, if you…"

Sasuke cut her off.

"She swore vengeance. I don't have a choice." He then looked over at Sarada. "This is your first time exacting revenge, so I'll help you. Come with me."

"Dad, I wasn't really _that_ serious about it. We don't have to…"

"Sarada, we are Uchiha. We're serious about everything. That cat will pay."

The pair left the room, and Sakura frustratedly smashed the handrail that she was leaning on. Muttering in faked apathy, she too left, off to find a replacement.

A moment later, a pair of ants that had been hiding in the corner vanished in puffs of smoke.

* * *

"The Uchiha are weird."

"Yes, Boruto, they are. Very much so."

As they reviewed their clones' memories, and evil look began to appear in Naruto's eyes.

"Son, I have our prank. Tell me, have you ever heard of Sora-ku?"

Boruto shook his head.

"Well, they have cats there. A lot of them. Oh, this is going to be so amazing! Come on, Boruto, dattebayo!"

With that, Naruto dragged his son off the village gates, and they took off toward the old Uchiha stronghold.


	3. Chapter 3

"Can you please tell me the plan already?"

Naruto gleefully shook his head, and the sound of Boruto's groan only made him even more cheery. For a moment, the two remained silent, and the sounds of the forest drilled through Boruto's frustrated mind as it whizzed by his peripheral vision.

"How about now?"

Now it was Naruto's turn to sigh.

"Not happening, kiddo. You should be able to piece it together."

Boruto allowed a passing branch to bash him in the forehead.

"Can you at least tell me why we're wearing these stupid cat ears?"

Naruto couldn't hold in a laugh as he was reminded of the sight of his grumpy son wearing the undeniably girl headwear.

"They're actually very complex pieces of fuinjutsu. When you wear them, you can understand cat summons, and they'll see you as one of your own. It'll let us travel through Sora-ku without incident."

Boruto nodded, but then a puzzled look appeared on his face.

"And why do you own magical cat ears?"

"We needed them for an Uchiha-related mission back in the day. Plus, your mother likes using them in the bedroom. One time, she..."

Boruto launched a kunai at his dad in a vain attempt to prevent the onslaught of unwanted sexy images of his mom. He scrunched his eyes, visibly pained and betrayed by his mind.

"Dammit Dad! I don't wanna know! How many times do I have to tell you?!"

Once again, Naruto's laugh echoed through the woods.

* * *

"Exacting vengeance is not a simple task. Certain dobes might try to convince you otherwise, but it takes a ton of meticulous planning and preparation."

Yup, he was really lecturing.

"Dad… You really don't have too…"

Sasuke Uchiha waved off his daughter's protests.

"Nonsense. This is just something that all Uchiha must learn. I suggest that you activate your sharingan now. I won't be repeating this information, and you will be tested on it."

It was right about then that Sarada realized that she did, in fact, hate her life.

"The first thing you must realize is that level of revenge taken must corrospond to the wrongful deed that took place. This was a concept that did not come naturally to me, and I had to learn it the hard way. During my time with Orochimaru, there was an annoying brat of a kid who very much enjoyed gluing my sandals to the floor…"

"So, I think it's time we start plotting your revenge."

The statement broke Sarada out of the blissful semi-conscious state that she had reached in the second hour of lecturing. She quickly nodded and did her best to hide her cluelessness towards the task at hand.

Don't take that the wrong way. Sarada loved learning. But six dreadfully boring hours of lecturing from her legendarily dull father was a bit much.

"I still owe that damned cat a bit of payback of my own, so I think we can go a little overboard on the revenge. I personally like the idea of going to that thing's personal, err, cat-onal? Doesn't matter. We go to it's butcher and lace it's food with itching powder. I imagine the feeling of having one's stomach itch would not be a pleasant one."

That, honestly, sounded pretty fucked up to Sarada. And, judging by the disturbingly evil look in her father's eyes, his suggestions weren't going to get any tamer. She had to come up with something, and fast.

She tuned out her father's continued ramblings and took a moment to think. What do cats hate? Dogs. She could probably do something with that. How though?

The Inuzakas have dogs. Maybe… no. They were too annoying to be worth it. What about her dad's sensei? Kakashi. He had ninken.

Nope, that also wouldn't work. That man took her dad's level of crazy and brought it to entirely new heights.

So, dogs were out of the question. What else?

Cats hate… oh. It was perfect. Easy to set up, not overly harmful or cruel. She might even enjoy it. Cats hate baths. Time to give that bastard the worst bath of its oddly long life.

* * *

"Still haven't figured it out, huh."

Boruto shrugged helplessly as the pair arrived at the outskirts of Sora-ku. From the outside, the village looked like any other, if a bit run down.

"Well, you're out of time, because I'm gonna need your help to get this set up. You owe me, uh, something. I'll think of whatever it is later. But here's the plan."

That evil look returned to Naruto's eyes.

"I'm gonna go talk to the old hag who runs this place. You're gonna run through the street with those pretty little cat ears and wax poetic about how some Uchiha is about to harm your, uh, that cat is a girl, right? So yeah, your sister. Keep it vague, but make it sound horrible."

Boruto still couldn't put the pieces together.

"Why do you need to talk to the old lady?"

"You're gonna anger the masses. I've gotta make sure they're organized. Then we lead them back to the village and make sure they witness whatever horrific punishment the baka has thought up for that cat. The cat summons will all be pissed at the betrayal of the Uchiha to one of their own, and they'll attack him or some shit. I dunno, but it'll be awesome dattebayo!"

Boruto raised his eyebrow. He opened his mouth to question how his father was content to leave the plan so… unplanned, but he changed his mind right afterwards. The sooner this thing was over, the better.

Thusly, he made sure his cat ears were secure, and took off toward the town. And he definitely didn't stop to admire the way he looked with the ears in place in a passing puddle. That would be weird. Even if he did look fucking fantastic.

* * *

 **A/N: Here's the update, only slightly behind schedule! I'm almost proud of myself :P**

 **Anyway, the real action kicks off next time around. Will the prank work? Will Sasuke show any emotion? Will the Daimyo's wife reveal herself as an S-class ninja and protect her precious pet with arts long lost to the shinobi world? Tune in next time to find out!**


	4. Chapter 4

Boruto couldn't help but think that there had to be a better way to do this. In fact, there were probably many, many better ways.

If a boy henged into a ball of yarn could sigh, he would have. Instead, he continued sprinting (rolling?) through the streets of Sora-ku, gathering as much attention as he could muster. With any luck, he'd be done before his dad could make fun of his… unconventional methods.

Not that Naruto was being particularly efficient. When Boruto had previously rolled by the main building, his thankfully-unaware father was being beaten by an old lady with a purse.

Yeah, things were going smoothly, alright.

* * *

'Really, Kurama?'

 _It's not like you were making any progress anyway, kit._

Naruto facepalmed.

'You took over my body and started barking at the cat-leader.'

 _I'm an immortal chakra construct, the physical manifestation of the world's anger and hatred. I did not bark._

'...'

 _That snobby little prick had it coming._

Naruto chuckled, half at the furball's reaction, and half at the scene unfolding before him.

"Oi! Kiddo! Time to roll out!"

Boruto groaned as he heard his dad call out from the rooftop.

"I'd love to let you string them out a bit longer, but we really need to get the ball moving."

Oh god. Puns.

Boruto did his best to shut off his ears as he created a shadow clone and substituted himself. A moment later, he joined his still-preening father on the rooftops as the clone continued the admittedly absurd chase scene.

"Weren't you supposed to organize something? I know my eyes aren't quite as good as Mom's, but this situation doesn't exactly scream 'organized'!"

Naruto looked down at the elusive ball of yarn and sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

"Yeah, bit of a change in plans. They're angry at us, so we'll just have to let them chase us."

Wonderful.

* * *

"No, Dad, I'm still positive that I don't want to use the Water Prison jutsu."

"Sarada, it would be perfect. It was actually one of the first jutsu I ever copied. Kakashi…"

"No."

"Hn. Your revenge, your choice, I guess. Make sure that you come up with your plan now, though. Improvisation is a tool of morons and idiots."

* * *

Naruto sneezed.

'Huh, that was weird.'

* * *

"I know, Dad. You've said that about a thousand times so far."

"163 times, to be precise. You should keep track of these things, Sarada."

Sarada rolled her eyes and proceeded to tune out her father again. She had to go talk to the Inuzakas to reserve some bath time at the animal hospital. Maybe they would sell her some pet soap too. Oh, and she needed to go talk to Might Guy about that weird all-intrusive genjutsu he used in his ridiculous poses. Even the Hokage couldn't avoid those stupid sunsets and sparkles. Surely that damned cat would be vulnerable…

Still in deep thought, Sarada strode off. The still-lecturing Sasuke honestly didn't notice.

* * *

"Dad, I think the cats are getting tired."

Naruto turned around to look back at the angry felines and, surely enough, they seemed to be sagging behind. Normal animals and their stupid normal levels of stamina.

"Dad, did you hear me? They look like they're gonna pass out!"

Not even a second after Boruto stopped speaking, his field of view exploded in yellow light. The light subsided to reveal his father had entered his weird sage-9 tails-really unfair mode.

"What did you do that for? Is there an enemy nearby?" Boruto readied himself for battle.

Naruto shook his head.

"Nope, just gotta give our friends here a bit of an energy boost."

With that, every single one of the cats began glowing in the yellow chakra.

See, maybe the Fourth Great Shinobi War had some silver linings. Thanks to his experiences with sharing chakra with the entirety of their army, Naruto now had the knowledge necessary to create turbo cats.

* * *

 **(A/N) Only two more chapters! Next one should be nice and juicy, because, well, shit is (finally) gonna go down. Then we'll have an epilogue of sorts and BAM! I'll have finally completed a mulit-chapter story. Even if the story is shorter than some people's single chapters. Details, schmetails.**

 **Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed! Be sure to let me know what ya think :D**


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